A word with today’s parents about inter-caste marriages

“You need power only when you want to do something harmful, otherwise love is enough to get everything done”, so aptly remarked by Charlie Chaplin. But hey, can somebody tell me, if this stands right in our nation? I’m asking, because I am the youth of India. I’m asking because, I need to. I need to clear all my doubts about this. Is love not enough? 

I’m talking about the love marriages in India, and the reaction of all the orthodox communities here. If a Brahmin or a Jain or a Muslim guy or girl, loves someone from any other caste, what’s the big deal? I mean, can’t they? Are they not humans, but robots programmed to choose one among their own species. We are humans. We live in India, and our country is known for its unity in diversity. We all belong to some or the other caste or creed. We all have a religion. But must that define a human? Or one’s deeds should? If I am the CEO of a company, or a film-maker, or a Politian, or some renounced writer, I would prefer myself being known for what I do. It really doesn’t make any sense, calling you a Jain or a Brahmin or a catholic or protestant. Does it define us anywhere?

 Yes I know where these nouns define us. When we are at the verge of so called “right age” to marry, we play the game “Quest for the best”. Parents arrange the best guy or girl for us, from our caste, and whose family enjoys the similar status in society. Things like this might matter for beginning a life-long relationship with someone. But the most essential pillar gets missing, and that is love. Yes it’s true, that in these kinds of arranged marriages, love is developed with the passage of time, and it works too. But does it mean, that only arranged marriages are a way out. What if someone falls in love? Since it is quiet natural and an inevitable truth that love has always existed, in some form or the other, from the ancient times to this day. And not that love marriages are a taboo. I may seem prolonging a topic that has nothing new to it, but what I expect is that we broaden our mentalities and give space to new and refreshing possibilities. There is nothing wrong I can see, if a mature youth just demand about their right to select who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I mean, it is a decision that affects us the most, and it is never true that we want to defy our parents. They mean the world to us, and we know that their place should be before anyone else in our life as they gave us a place before anyone else in theirs. They have done all sacrifices just for the sake of one smile to their child’s face. We know all this and can never deny. And we also know this, that for them, their child’s happiness is the top priority, as long as it is not degrading their lives. We know, they have provided us the maximum freedom they could, maybe more than all other cousins in our family, and our society. But, world is growing fast. And there is really not a boundary to which we could just confine our thoughts and freedom. We don’t want freedom just for the sake of enjoying our lives, partying and ruining ourselves. We need the freedom so that we could breathe the air of possibilities. It’s not just about love here, but yes, love is also a major part.

 When we meet someone, should we always direct all our senses to judge the person according to their caste or the religion they belong to, and then start a conversation? Because, who knows after that, at any point of time we could fall in love. Must we be sure first about them, about their race and religion, their complexion, height and weight and all other features they look for the sake of arranging a marriage? And finally, when the scanning is done, choosing the apt one, and then falling in love according to the plan, should this be a strategy? Is this how it works, if we want to maintain the purity in our race by not choosing the love of our life out of our community? Well, love knows no rules, and love can’t be so prejudiced, or judgmental. Love is the purest bond of all. It never divides, rather unites. It is never lack of opportunities, but an ocean of new possibilities. Love is not planned, but for those who share this divine bond, it becomes essential to keep it alive. When we separate two people in love, we commit a sin. It is not they who fail, but it is God in the form of love who does. We tend to obey our God, and serve the almighty through the means of our religion. Are we making the almighty really glad this way? There are many ways we’ve seen how orthodox communities tackle the ‘problem’. Some are honor-killing, or even forcing the one, and sometimes their families to leave the community so that its reputation and sanctity could be maintained. Oh holy lord, do you really approve these ruthless measures? I know, and somewhere inside your heart, you too know that it’s just not so right. Then what makes us so narrow-minded people? If this is not something that must be done, what makes us do the same? Why can’t we, for once have a look at our own son’s or daughter’s choice? We could not be foolish enough to leave them unhappy for the rest of their lives. Who are we pleasing after all? This crooked society which has nothing to do when you fall short of money; no one gets concerned about you when you are struggling to make both ends meet to raise your kids. They have nothing to do when you are being bullied by your own boss, or when you are standing in a long queue to pay the electricity bill, and the next minute you need to pick up your kids from school. Did they care when you needed someone the most? If they didn’t, why are they so much concerned when your boy or girl wants to marry someone of their choice? Why are they anxious for your happiness, when they couldn’t stand for your struggles? Does it make sense to care about those people’s happiness and consent, who have never bothered about yours?

 Who are we afraid of, our own parents? No. We tell them the truth and expect them to understand us, since we know nobody else could ever understand us better. But, parents are just blindfolded by the society and are concerned about them. It may not stand right for all of us, today, since a lot has changed. But since I’m talking about it again, it means that not everything has changed, and not everything must, but something still needs to. I’m not blaming parents; we all love our parents, at the end of the day. I’m blaming the system.  It has made them feel helpless, in a situation where demand is not to be helpless, but stand as a support-system to help the children decide about their future. After all, it is better to blame ourselves than our parents and family for taking the decision of our future. We never want to say, if in some critical situation later on in our married lives, that we made a mistake listening to our parents. We could ourselves take the responsibility, and that would not develop any discontent from our parents. I know it could take time, but the idea of inter-caste love marriages is something that needs to be accepted. Youth doesn’t ask you to permit them to allow them marry any random person they fall in love with. But at least give them a chance to speak their heart out about their choice. Maybe they are right about certain choices. Maybe they know better who could be more compatible for them, since they’ve known the one for years. It is better to marry someone you know and approve of, than to tie a knot with a complete stranger. And when the one has all what is needed to spend life together, how does the caste, creed and religion matter? We live in a country where Hindus also feel glad keeping Roza, and even Muslims are seen happily celebrating Ganesha Chaturthi. We can even see, that a Sonar by caste is an IAS by profession and not a real goldsmith, a Brahmin is an Engineer and not a priest or a teacher, and Marvaris are not businessmen all the time. Roles in society according to the caste system have seen a resurgence. Now we need to accept that the same blood flows through our veins, all of us. We all have the right and the capability to become everything that we want to. Then why is this caste system so able to divide us? Does it not weaken us when we allow them to invade us? Why does it hijack us, and why do we let it do? Well I’m mainly concerned about the inter-caste marriages here, but all this is an inevitable part surrounding it. Would it really make a difference if the purity in race is not maintained? It would rather be quiet a beautiful amalgamation, and a refreshing journey for the people. If conflicts have to arise, they would, even when you maintain the “purity of race”.  We all have seen couples leading an unhappy life, and there is no understanding between them even after so many years of marriage. And sometimes, the marriage of couples who were good friends previously, tends to last longer, as they understand and accept each other the way they are. This keeps the river of love flowing.

 We could talk about western countries and learn from them. Then I accept, ours is an entirely different system, and we need to solve it our own way. If we learn to accept and understand our coming and present generation, we would be contributing surely to happiness and prosperity. We would be contributing to the change in thoughts for good. This idea is nowhere harmful but all we need is to really understand it and stop being concerned about the society, and support our own kids. If their choice is really not a mature one, try to first understand the situation and then take a decision. They don’t want to elope really, but situations and lack of understanding makes them do so. I don’t at all appreciate this idea of eloping with someone you love, and not bothering about your parents’ decision. But, yes, if that seems to be the last option to them, then only they do it. If the youth get what they need, an understanding and open-minded parental support, they will never go astray. Problem comes when both the parties refuse to listen to each other. Because once you do, and build up a trust on your own morals, that you imparted in them, you will see the clearer picture. A happy life will follow, and there would be no need for you or your child, to feel ashamed of the society. They mock at you when you are left alone, either they elope or marry without your consent, or you throw them out of your family for committing this ‘mistake’. But when you both are united, their mouth will be sewed. You will be a proud family, who followed what was right, rather than following what they persuaded you to believe was right for your family and happiness.

Did she surrender, did she not?

Did she surrender? Did she not?

Did she fight, for what she ought?

It had been her miss, is what they thought

Kins needed to hide faces, bad name's what she brought

A girl fond of yellows and pinks,

now seems tangled in greys

And the girl who sang all the recent hits,

seems numb, after screaming for days

Been seven months,

couldn't time help her heal?

Upsetting were their gaping faces,

couldn't they get what she would feel?

And when time seemed to pass, in vain

Begetters thought to act wise...

They shifted her to another city,

thought it would take her by surprise

Lonely, she still was,

all that shuffle pointed null,

begetters planned to get her married,

and bring back colors to life dim and dull

And proposals were sent,

no proposal was to come;

Rejection was that one word,

that would always keep her mum

Nothing felt like before, why life got so hard?

Was it her miss, as they say? She's now counted as a star...

People show their pity faces, faces do deceive

Is there any worth of candle marches, or condolences, would she receive ?

Defiance, as you may call it..

Defiance, as you may call it. It’s really going over my head.

Should I rebel, or should I not? A question, that could only be answered by the wisest part of me, which may exist somewhere on the inside.

I am trying to be free spirited, mentally- 'individualistic', and I need to experiment what I am learning in life. That’s how I am going to grow, learn and even if I am making a mistake, I would be responsible, and therefore, I would learn to overcome issues that hinder my development. Will somebody just stop being my shadow, and stop stopping me from making mistakes? Because, this way, you’re neither saving me, nor protecting me from harm, rather making me vulnerable .How would I, all of a sudden be able to handle things by myself, in an unpredicted future, where I may not know how to? I must learn beforehand, and I must look stronger. For, adversities are surely a part of life, and so are beautiful memories a part. If you are stopping me, from making and living in the beautiful memories of life, you are keeping me from living. Because, that’s what living is all about. Creating memories, living in the present moment, loving and caring truly and wholeheartedly, making mistakes, and learning from them. Allow me to live!

And why should I even beg, and whom should I beg to, to allow me to live?

 Am I not the master of my own life? Are others, maybe even our family, friends, relatives or teachers more deserving owners of our lives?  I ask you sometimes, and you simply deny. Not even a second thought crosses your mind, about I might be right, at some point, somewhere there, where you couldn’t even reach to think of. How could you even judge the limit of my mental reach? How can you not understand, that I can have, a varying philosophy, than yours, since I have read different books, I have met different people, I have been to a different school, and, I’ve always had a way different thought process? You mustn’t, well, compare our thoughts. Since all other thoughts have more or less, varied origins. You can’t question my origin. Nobody knows that their thoughts have emerged from some particular phenomenon. We all are unique, in every aspect, and so are humans so wonderful creatures. Even if you try to convince me, to be as perfect as they are, I want you to understand, that I could learn from them, more or less, but at the end of the day, our uniqueness mustn’t be mocked at. We must remain who we are, with additional qualities, but still, preserving what gives us this unique identity. Don’t ask me to copy them. Because you already know why…You are different and so am I. Is it way too difficult to assimilate?

I am in agony. Agony in me is about, all this. It’s about, how you want me to die. You want me to live, and I understand. But you are unknowingly, asking me to finish myself up. It’s visible in how you always cut my words, and how you never let me speak. And how, when I speak, I am called outspoken. And when I keep mum, I’m good for nothing. And when I state what I want, I am called incapable to handle.  I’m shown exemplary people, somewhere from among us, who might have done somewhat better than us, in a field or two. But I feel sorry for you. I feel you must have, by now understood that no two people are same, neither their capabilities are, nor their interests are. And no people will remain the same after years. We, the human race, have the immense capability to attain greatness, at the most unexpected hour of life. How could you, then underestimate me and then, at another minute, just speak that you know I can do it. I need no sympathy. I need real trust. If you can’t make me feel, that you trust me, I have no space for your fake sympathy. I am not someone who is less-able. I am born with capabilities beyond human measure, and I will show you what beyond really looks like. Keep your seat-belts on, because this rocket is goanna launch very soon.

Sometimes, life is dull...

Life is dull, where should I say

For there are poets, who only see the day.

The dawns mean a lot, but dusks are a part,

Where should I mention, I’m falling apart…

I am not me, myself I seek,

I’m hidden and I know where, but there’s not a place where I can weep.

And I want an escape, which could blindfold my eyes,

As I need to forget for some time, this girl who alive-dies…

There’s  a reason, there is not,

Maybe I’ll tell you, if you want…

But I can’t say it all to you, except to this heeding sky,

For it has been there for me, to see me weeping till eyes get dry..

And there are fortunes, and people will talk about..

But there are omens too, like the ones that broke me apart…

There’s a fear , that’s infinite…

And what is it, in my heart, I hide..

I’m every ‘someone’, who’s going through this pain,

It’s buried deep inside, and we never let it stain…

We never let it come out, we never let it shout..

Still you’ll ask me why I write it, and still not say what is it about…

Well it’s all for breathing once,

 it is not meant to stay in hearts….

Still I know that time will suck my grief,

 I write for all those who don’t get this escape, and have to bear these times till they pass…

The Collision

Coincidence it is, or is it fate;

that a pollen grain collided with a ball of fire..
And for the first time ever , in its ephemeral life,
flames didn't kill it
s breath, rather gave it life in abundance..

As the ball of fire, so the pollen well knew,
flames could abscond it- in no time for sure...
But happens the reverse , when the ball of fire stays with the pollen,
keeps the distance that 'doesn't kill', rather glorifies its dim-lit world...


When the journey began , the ball of fire told the pollen,
it too had fears, though it never seemed so .
That it knew all well, the power of aqua;
as when the flame is the 'King'- water then is, the 'Ace' of cards..


The pollen realizes, everyone has fears,
and being carried away nowhere by air ,
was as deep a fear, as to the ball of fire,
the fear of losing its flame...


And when the ball of fire, is kept in a dark world- unlit...
it is then, that it learns of its resplendent being,
for in light, there's a life of lesser worth,
than in the darkness -unseen..


So it teaches the pollen, to unleash its odds,
that, maybe somewhere underground,
a darker world needs it, to sprinkle some life,
and to let it know, one's brighter side lives inside...


And the pollen learns, it's more worthy in a barren land ,
'coz even in a land of greens, it's life would have a lot of worth,
but the right place to stay, is where life ceases to exist,
and where you can bring  it back to a new horizon...


For the last words of parting,
the ball of fire teaches to LIVE....
Though the unflinching flames are cursed for- destruction,
it is its life , most powerful and lively,
only when the cursed holocaust waves high- its flames..


And the pollen has now, learnt to live without fears,
for its life is LIFE, the moment it gets carried away by the wind..
And its life BRINGS LIFE, only when it suffocates in the darkness of soil,
in order to breath again and create a new life in that pinch of darkness...


And days pass on, the pollen lives a new life,
now of a hibiscus plant, under the great banyan tree...
narrating its own pollens about A COLLISION,
that brought a living dead pollen to life...



                                                                          (TC and never stop dreaming, even in your dreams!!:-))