“You need power only when you want to do something harmful,
otherwise love is enough to get everything done”, so aptly remarked by Charlie
Chaplin. But hey, can somebody tell me, if this stands right in our nation? I’m
asking, because I am the youth of India. I’m asking because, I need to. I need
to clear all my doubts about this. Is love not enough?
I’m talking about the love marriages in India, and the
reaction of all the orthodox communities here. If a Brahmin or a Jain or a
Muslim guy or girl, loves someone from any other caste, what’s the big deal? I
mean, can’t they? Are they not humans, but robots programmed to choose one
among their own species. We are humans. We live in India, and our country is
known for its unity in diversity. We all belong to some or the other caste or
creed. We all have a religion. But must that define a human? Or one’s deeds
should? If I am the CEO of a company, or a film-maker, or a Politian, or some renounced
writer, I would prefer myself being known for what I do. It really doesn’t make
any sense, calling you a Jain or a Brahmin or a catholic or protestant. Does it
define us anywhere?
Yes I know where
these nouns define us. When we are at the verge of so called “right age” to
marry, we play the game “Quest for the best”. Parents arrange the best guy or
girl for us, from our caste, and whose family enjoys the similar status in
society. Things like this might matter for beginning a life-long relationship
with someone. But the most essential pillar gets missing, and that is love. Yes
it’s true, that in these kinds of arranged marriages, love is developed with
the passage of time, and it works too. But does it mean, that only arranged
marriages are a way out. What if someone falls in love? Since it is quiet natural
and an inevitable truth that love has always existed, in some form or the
other, from the ancient times to this day. And not that love marriages are a
taboo. I may seem prolonging a topic that has nothing new to it, but what I
expect is that we broaden our mentalities and give space to new and refreshing
possibilities. There is nothing wrong I can see, if a mature youth just demand about
their right to select who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I
mean, it is a decision that affects us the most, and it is never true that we
want to defy our parents. They mean the world to us, and we know that their
place should be before anyone else in our life as they gave us a place before
anyone else in theirs. They have done all sacrifices just for the sake of one
smile to their child’s face. We know all this and can never deny. And we also
know this, that for them, their child’s happiness is the top priority, as long
as it is not degrading their lives. We know, they have provided us the maximum
freedom they could, maybe more than all other cousins in our family, and our
society. But, world is growing fast. And there is really not a boundary to
which we could just confine our thoughts and freedom. We don’t want freedom
just for the sake of enjoying our lives, partying and ruining ourselves. We
need the freedom so that we could breathe the air of possibilities. It’s not
just about love here, but yes, love is also a major part.
When we meet someone,
should we always direct all our senses to judge the person according to their
caste or the religion they belong to, and then start a conversation? Because,
who knows after that, at any point of time we could fall in love. Must we be
sure first about them, about their race and religion, their complexion, height
and weight and all other features they look for the sake of arranging a
marriage? And finally, when the scanning is done, choosing the apt one, and
then falling in love according to the plan, should this be a strategy? Is this
how it works, if we want to maintain the purity in our race by not choosing the
love of our life out of our community? Well, love knows no rules, and love
can’t be so prejudiced, or judgmental. Love is the purest bond of all. It never
divides, rather unites. It is never lack of opportunities, but an ocean of new
possibilities. Love is not planned, but for those who share this divine bond,
it becomes essential to keep it alive. When we separate two people in love, we
commit a sin. It is not they who fail, but it is God in the form of love who
does. We tend to obey our God, and serve the almighty through the means of our
religion. Are we making the almighty really glad this way? There are many ways
we’ve seen how orthodox communities tackle the ‘problem’. Some are
honor-killing, or even forcing the one, and sometimes their families to leave
the community so that its reputation and sanctity could be maintained. Oh holy lord,
do you really approve these ruthless measures? I know, and somewhere inside
your heart, you too know that it’s just not so right. Then what makes us so
narrow-minded people? If this is not something that must be done, what makes us
do the same? Why can’t we, for once have a look at our own son’s or daughter’s
choice? We could not be foolish enough to leave them unhappy for the rest of
their lives. Who are we pleasing after all? This crooked society which has
nothing to do when you fall short of money; no one gets concerned about you
when you are struggling to make both ends meet to raise your kids. They have
nothing to do when you are being bullied by your own boss, or when you are
standing in a long queue to pay the electricity bill, and the next minute you
need to pick up your kids from school. Did they care when you needed someone
the most? If they didn’t, why are they so much concerned when your boy or girl
wants to marry someone of their choice? Why are they anxious for your
happiness, when they couldn’t stand for your struggles? Does it make sense to
care about those people’s happiness and consent, who have never bothered about
yours?
Who are we afraid of, our own parents? No. We tell them the truth and
expect them to understand us, since we know nobody else could ever understand
us better. But, parents are just blindfolded by the society and are concerned
about them. It may not stand right for all of us, today, since a lot has
changed. But since I’m talking about it again, it means that not everything has
changed, and not everything must, but something still needs to. I’m not blaming
parents; we all love our parents, at the end of the day. I’m blaming the
system. It has made them feel helpless,
in a situation where demand is not to be helpless, but stand as a
support-system to help the children decide about their future. After all, it is
better to blame ourselves than our parents and family for taking the decision
of our future. We never want to say, if in some critical situation later on in
our married lives, that we made a mistake listening to our parents. We could
ourselves take the responsibility, and that would not develop any discontent
from our parents. I know it could take time, but the idea of inter-caste love
marriages is something that needs to be accepted. Youth doesn’t ask you to
permit them to allow them marry any random person they fall in love with. But
at least give them a chance to speak their heart out about their choice. Maybe
they are right about certain choices. Maybe they know better who could be more
compatible for them, since they’ve known the one for years. It is better to
marry someone you know and approve of, than to tie a knot with a complete
stranger. And when the one has all what is needed to spend life together, how
does the caste, creed and religion matter? We live in a country where Hindus
also feel glad keeping Roza, and even Muslims are seen happily celebrating
Ganesha Chaturthi. We can even see, that a Sonar by caste is an IAS by
profession and not a real goldsmith, a Brahmin is an Engineer and not a priest
or a teacher, and Marvaris are not businessmen all the time. Roles in society
according to the caste system have seen a resurgence. Now we need to accept
that the same blood flows through our veins, all of us. We all have the right
and the capability to become everything that we want to. Then why is this caste
system so able to divide us? Does it not weaken us when we allow them to invade
us? Why does it hijack us, and why do we let it do? Well I’m mainly concerned
about the inter-caste marriages here, but all this is an inevitable part
surrounding it. Would it really make a difference if the purity in race is not
maintained? It would rather be quiet a beautiful amalgamation, and a refreshing
journey for the people. If conflicts have to arise, they would, even when you
maintain the “purity of race”. We all
have seen couples leading an unhappy life, and there is no understanding
between them even after so many years of marriage. And sometimes, the marriage
of couples who were good friends previously, tends to last longer, as they
understand and accept each other the way they are. This keeps the river of love
flowing.
We could talk about western countries and learn from them. Then I
accept, ours is an entirely different system, and we need to solve it our own
way. If we learn to accept and understand our coming and present generation, we
would be contributing surely to happiness and prosperity. We would be
contributing to the change in thoughts for good. This idea is nowhere harmful
but all we need is to really understand it and stop being concerned about the
society, and support our own kids. If their choice is really not a mature one,
try to first understand the situation and then take a decision. They don’t want
to elope really, but situations and lack of understanding makes them do so. I
don’t at all appreciate this idea of eloping with someone you love, and not
bothering about your parents’ decision. But, yes, if that seems to be the last
option to them, then only they do it. If the youth get what they need, an
understanding and open-minded parental support, they will never go astray.
Problem comes when both the parties refuse to listen to each other. Because
once you do, and build up a trust on your own morals, that you imparted in
them, you will see the clearer picture. A happy life will follow, and there
would be no need for you or your child, to feel ashamed of the society. They
mock at you when you are left alone, either they elope or marry without your
consent, or you throw them out of your family for committing this ‘mistake’.
But when you both are united, their mouth will be sewed. You will be a proud
family, who followed what was right, rather than following what they persuaded
you to believe was right for your family and happiness.